People-watching

Watching people take the first sip of coffee is fascinating.

They tip the travel mug or to-go cup slowly, slowly, waiting for the scalding liquid to ease into their waiting mouth.

It appears the cup was not as full as they originally thought. Tip more. Faces scrunched in almost fearful anticipation.

They've all experienced this before. That one time when they misjudged the distance from the rim of the mug to the surface of the coffee, and they couldn't taste their lunch, nor their dinner because of swollen, burnt taste buds.

You need to go slow. Because if you tip the mug slowly, you can feel the heat before it actually hits your tongue, and you can stop it. You can set the mug upright and wait 3 minutes. Or add an ice cube.

Sometimes it's a twitch, barely noticeably with the coffee has reached its destination. For others, it's a full-blown facial convulsion. My reaction tends to lean towards the latter.

There is still steam coming from my cup of tea. With only a small opening on the top of the to-go cup to allow for the release of heat, I know that it would be quite dangerous to attempt to drink it now.

Perhaps I'll wait 3 minutes. Or add an ice cube.
You never know who might be watching me.

write a post. check.

I like lists.

I make lists every day. Several times a day.

I like crossing things off lists. I love the look of a neatly written list with perfectly straight lines through each item. It makes me feel happy.

I usually only write lists with my colored pens. It looks prettier. It makes the list look much less daunting when it is fresh, and a lot more satisfying when it is completed. Today I wrote a list in a green pen. I will cross things off with orange. I never use black. It's so dreadfully mundane.

I make lists about making lists. I need to make a list of books to read for the summer. I need to make a list about things to pack for Mexico. I need to make a list of people and addresses for the summer.

When I have a particularly frightening-looking list, I add small, trivial tasks to the list, just so that I can immediately cross them off. Just so I have some sense of progress.

Wake up. Check.
Brush teeth. Done.
Check email. Yes.

However, sometimes when I am finished with a list, no task left undone, I am still hesitant to throw it away. A perfect example of my excellent organization and precision in the trash can? Right next to the banana peel from yesterday's breakfast?? A waste. Eventually I do let go (I do not have a folder containing nothing but finished lists), but not without a cumbersome internal struggle.

I like being in control. This much should be obvious by my great affinity for lists. And the more that occurs in my life that is so obviously outside my control, the stronger I grip the inconsequential details of my life. White knuckles clutching at some semblance of stability. Order. Dependability. Sanity.

Yet, the more I see these uncontrollable situations, the more I grasp at thin air. The more I fail.

I can add to my list:
-Mend my family
-Restore my relationship with God
-Love people
But I have no hope of being able to neatly draw a line through the items by myself. The things in my life over which I do not have complete control.

I think I need to stop pretending I have everything under control and start trusting....

Trusting that when I fall, He will still be standing. That when I fall, He is actually holding on to all the pieces of my life that I was trying so desperately hard to fit together.

english only?

I've been reading about the English-only movement, and the blindness of the "American" populace never ceases to amaze me.

Yes.
Let's take away the freedom of speech.
Let's ignore the fact that the founding fathers were completely against an official language.
Let's make this a monolingual country.
Let's encourage ignorance and inaction.

If a state has an English-only law, they are missing out on so many social, political, economic, educational opportunities. So many opportunities to learn.
If a state has an English-only law, they are violating education acts that ensure that no child be left behind. They are making it impossible for those children to be put into schools where they can receive a bilingual education.
If a state has an English-only law, they are alienating someone. They are taking away someone's identity. Language is identity, after all.

Admit it.

If we were talking about French or German, no one would be so angry with the growing bilingualism in our country. It would be praised. Encouraged.

It's Spanish you are afraid of. To you, it lacks prestige.

Admit it, you are racist.

de regreso.

I went through this time where I was sick of blogging and self-disclosure. I deleted my xanga. I deleted all the previous entries on my blogspot and if i hadn't forgotten the password to my wordpress, that would be gone, too. I realized that no one ever read anything I posted, and I failed to see the point of blogging. However, in that blog-less time in my life, I felt this void. Not because I missed "blogging" per se, but rather because I missed writing. I miss writing. For myself. I don't care, honestly, who you are and why you are reading this. This is my blog. I am writing because I like to write. Because I need to write.

And, after all, we are creatures of self-disclosure. We thrive on it.